If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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