I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
