Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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