she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize