she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
