you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
being pregnant is like rehab
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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