Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
