Need sex. Gaining weight.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
