you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
