I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
