cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize