I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
