So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
