We named our party play list daddy issues
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
