i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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