i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize