When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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