id be glad to
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize