You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
