I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
