Someone shit on the floor
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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