You smell like stripper and shame
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
