Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
