Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize