there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
