I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
