Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
