how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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