the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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