the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
