I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
