Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
