im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
