; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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