I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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