Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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