I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
