i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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