Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize