How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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