I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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