who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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