So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
