Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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