I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
