I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
