i just google imaged poop.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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