weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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