he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need a beard to bite.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
