If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
