Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
