My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize