I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
