I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
