NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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