I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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