dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
