With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize