I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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