I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
