Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
