I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
