I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
