You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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