Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
