dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
