Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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