whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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