I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
