hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I fill condoms, not promises.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
