my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
