my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
