so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
