I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
