in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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