Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
