i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
