My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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