I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
